fuck.

Sometimes I see other people's art and read other people's stories and feel like I am just not good enough. It is a very common that I feel as though I am in the wrong profession and that the people around me outshine my work so much that I seem to be just emerging as an artist. The truth is that I have been doing this for over 10 years and although I do see improvement I have noticed a plateau, or even a decline of my creativity and artistic ability as of late. I was browsing through Bonhwa's gallery and it actually brought tears to my eyes... I am often moved by art but her art has me floored. It is some of the most beautiful artwork I have ever seen and every one of her works is gorgeous and moving. I just feel that I will never be able to achieve that greatness.

I know artists are their biggest critics and I know I seem very juvenile in the fact that this is the second post I have written in which I explore why art makes me sad. I know that I sound stupid. I just feel that the more I write about it the more I will be determined to fix my flaws and work toward that greatness.

almost done.

I've been making slow progress on my art, but I have done a lot of sketches and I am proud of a few of them. I completed some (very craptastic) character turnarounds for class. I am also working on designing a floor for a restaurant for a geometry project. I finished the bone for my sculpture class and took photos-- my teaches said that we should consider these for portfolio pieces but with the way he is turning out, I don't think that is going to happen. I'm already mostly done with his muscles, too. I've been working on Justin's story for writing, but when I went to do the story beats I became very discouraged. Oh well. Atleast this semester is almost over and I will be able to take a break for a while and get some real stuff done.

Anyway, the man to your right is Jonas... he's a royal guard and he will kick your fucking ass. I'm serious... although I hate the sword and it was omitted in the inking process which is not done yet. He's the one I mentioned in the earlier post that mentioned Final Fantasy XII. Although he is very much based on the style of FF12, he is not an FF12 character... I made him up. I even decided to justify his outfit so it isn't a riduculously silly Final Fantasy outfit. I am proud of him, although I do see some flaws. I mostly like his nose. I would love to cosplay him for my own enjoyment some day, maybe as a practice before I make Larsa. Both of these images are better viewed at full size, so please click on them. Especially the one on the right.

The next picture is of a man I have dubbed Jun. Jun is a very busy asian business man who works hard at the office for his family- a wife and a son. He works for a packaging plant an manages the invoices. He was mostly a pose and fabric text, but I think i failed in both of those aspects and only succeded in the hand department... which is still sub par... and now for my favorite picture I have done in a very long time, which is sadly unscanned.











HOLY CRAP, IT'S CUTHBERT!! So the Dark Tower serise by Stephen King is fucking cool and I love Cuthbert <3 He's my favorite!! If you haven't heard of these books, go read them! If you have heard of them and haven't read them-- you are a dork. Usually I don't like Stephen King and think that he is a loser, but these books are totally worth it! I'm happy I worked in a different style for this. It's mostly based on the comic books. I love this picture :)

moar progress.

I have actually made ART! I have found time recently to sit down and draw/color/refine/post. I entered a contest that Melly Black was hosting with a friend. I feel as though I wasted my efforts though... because I am not in LOVE with the picture and I didn't win. I stressed out over it, too. I also inked and uploaded a new picture of Justin to my deviantART as well as finishing my Illustrator homework which can be found under the title of "Significant" in my dA gallery. I have a ton of drawing to do for my classes over the next few days and I will be sure to post them either here or in my dA gallery. Be on the lookout.

I have also been hanging around with Sequential Fallout, my school's comic book club... sure they aren't the coolest kids, but they provide 2 hours of a quiet place to draw. They also are encouraging me to write strips for their newsletter-- those might happen.

I finished the basic skeleton for my sculpture project and pictures will be taken before I start on the muscular system. Those will be posted by the end of tonight.

Overall, I was VERY stressed last week but am doing better, mid-terms are this week so I shouldn't have much work to do-- no, studying isn't work, especially when you only have one class that you need to study for. GEOMETRY. Not bad. My writing teacher may give me something, but how hard could that be? And how could he after giving us the work load of doing 3 turnarounds and character profiles in 7 days?? DX

Anywho-- I know I have been a slacker to my fan-base, haha, yeah right, fanbase! But I have been increadably busy and as soon as the server comes back up I will register for next quarter and try to form a scedule that doesn't eat me alive. See you soon <3

experimentation.

So I've decided that my main goal for the next few weeks or so is to improve my artistic ability. I started with costume design. I was watching Ren play Final Fantasy XII and got inspired and actually designed something that I am proud of... I'll take my stuff to the scan lab tomorrow and get some stuff scanned so you can see. I think I am going to focus on character and object design because I am going to sign up for that class next semester and I don't want the teachers bitching at me for lack of artistic ability.

I'm happy I finally have an inking style that I like so I'd like to finalize other points of my artistic style. I think there is going to be a lull in my work load this week so I will actually get shit done. I am also going to try and get some pictures of Artemis up because I feel like I haven't done anything with him for a long time. For those of you who don't know, Artemis is my BJD (Ball Jointed Doll). He is from Angel of Dream and is a Chi model, mini size. Blah blah blah... work is coming soon.

industrial.

So cool shit happened. I finished the armature for sculpture class. It actually looks like how I wanted it to look. The fingers are a little wonky but I think once I start sculpting the bones in the hand I will reshape them. I snapped a few pictures on my camera phone before started to add the bones. When I finish the skeleton I will add more progress pictures. I've got his legs and his spine and his arms done, I just have to re-sculpt the hands and feet and add ribs and his skull. That's the part I am afraid of... I am afraid of ruining him by having his skull look retarded. Hopefully it will all work out and he will turn out fucking bad-ass. My teacher says his only concern is with the bent leg. He's afraid I wont be able to fit the muscles and the skin. I think I can and he's underestimating how skinny Justin's legs are.

The other day in Writing for Animation we learned how to develop characters and while we were learning about stuff Justin's character exploded on me... I think I am actually going to start the comic soon. I may wait until I get a break from school, because even as I am typing now I have 4 or 5 really big assignments I need to be working on. I am also going to keep the story under wraps for now... I don't want anyone to discourage me from writing what I want to write. But anyway, look out for that.

This is completely off topic, but the other day I got on the train and there was a bullet hole in the window above my seat. I thought this was cool. Although bullet holes are scary and it makes me a little uneasy to ride public transit every day, I liked it. I liked the abstract lines and the way it made the glass look. I liked thinking about the scenario that led to a gun being fired. I like thinking about things like that... why things came to be, why things are there. I liked it enough to try to get a picture of it, too, but it didn't come out well. I'll just have to keep an eye out for car 659 so I can get a better picture later.

I think that's it for me. I've been busy and dealing with a lot of drama, but over the past week I have discovered things about myself and my characters, which is nice. I guess a little drama is good on occasion. I'll try to get some stuff done and post some real artwork soon. I have been drawing, I'm just not exactly proud of a lot of it. I'm doing a lot of fan art for 10foldkiller and entering her contest (which is due on the 5th) so at least that stuff will be up. Just keep an eye out for my progress. Thanks for reading and bearing with me again <3

it's sort of... a bummer.

So I have this problem... I get really crest fallen when I see art that is better than mine-- which is really often because I'm not that good. School is crazy bad because everyone there is better than me and my teachers spend their time telling me that my stuff is no good and I need to change my style if I want to get anywhere in this industry.
I understand.
But I have tried... and I hate my art when it doesn't look like this. I just can't manage to draw... it makes me sick to have to change my style to fit in to this industry. My sculpture teacher had the greatest comment on the issue, "Anime is amateurish high school art."
Ok, ok, I get it.
I think Budgie does the best at blending the two styles. I don't want to "copy" her, but I think it will be in my best interest to sort of tweak my style into looking similar-- mostly in the eye department. Hopefully I can figure something out. I just really don't want to change who I am artistic-wise just to please my teachers...
But now I sound stupid.
I know I cant get a job in the industry with my style of art. I mostly want this degree for my own personal use. Sure, when I get into Maya and 3D software my art will change and maybe then it will be suitable for clients and employers alike. I'm not saying I wont try to change-- I'm not saying my art is phenomenal enough to override what my teachers want. I'm just saying I am afraid for myself.

This may be why I quit school the first time. This might be why I hate being around other artists. I know I am a whiner and I'm probably just being silly-- but this is how I feel.

School.

So today in Illustration we actually got to do a pretty cool project. The assignment was to take a sketch and trace over the values in Adobe Illustrator. I chose a sketch of a guy laying on his stomach. I also chose blue for a color scheme... why? Because green is overrated. I really like how it turned out. I'm just sad that I cant exactly claim it as mine because the actual art work is something I didn't do... I can't upload the picture just yet, because the computers at the school have a problem with uploading images. So be on the look out for when I do it tonight. I have to do a second one based on something I actually drew, so I'll be proud to post it.

The picture has been uploaded! Hooray for the awesome Blue man! <3